The Man Behind the Phone

By: D. Scott Fritchen

The biggest hype man in the history of Kansas State athletics sits forward in a black cushy chair behind a gray L-shaped desk in his soothing office at the Ice Family Basketball Center one day in early May, four framed family photos nailed to the dark wall behind him, two white basketballs resting upon a shelf, a flatscreen TV hanging to his right, and all the silence in the world filling a space that offers a small window into the life of the man known as 'Reem.

The tweeting — "KANSAS FREAKING STATE!" — has paused, the laughter has stopped, and sobering minutes draw out like a blade that cuts into the heart of K-State men's basketball assistant coach Jareem Dowling, dressed in a gray T-shirt, and whose shiny eyes grow slightly moist as the 41-year-old native of St. Croix, U.S. Virgin Islands poignantly and painstakingly recounts the life he left behind and the challenges he navigates each day.

"I know how hard life is," he says, slowly and softly. "I try to enjoy every moment. I don't want to spend time pretending to be somebody. I want to spent time being who I am."

He pauses.

"I'm transparent, natural, and true to myself, you know?"

Dowling, the first announced member of head coach Jerome Tang's inaugural coaching staff on March 29, 2022, is the kind of guy you want to see at a dinner party, the contagious energy and boisterous laugh brightening up a home, which these days includes 13,000 family members at Bramlage Coliseum. Always carrying with his cell phone, Dowling chronicles the pregame atmosphere, the echoing "K-S-U" chants from the Wildcats' student section along with the "Wabash," and sends the tweets across America: K-State is the place to be.

"How could you not be hyped with this fan base?" he says.

"Probably 99% of the stuff I tweet is positivity," he continues. "This place deserves respect, man, and we don't need to bow to anybody — anybody — because the passion and love here is real. I love the positivity you can do with Twitter."

Yet for every photo and every video, for every K-State victory and defeat, lies stirring truths that Dowling honestly and inspiringly faces, embraces, and courageously shares — tales of individual triumph in a world of darkness, stories of personal success when perspective starts to slip, and dockets of despair-turned-acceptance as the first glint of light reaches the long, lonely tunnel.

It traces back to a handful of years ago. He was in O'Hare International Airport in Chicago. He began to feel weird. Then he felt sick. Then scared. He panicked. His feet froze. There were so many thoughts, so many of them, jockeying for position like Max Verstappen and Fernando Alonso around the third turn in Melbourne. How could this be? He was physically healthy. He was on his way to see his daughter. There's nothing in the world like seeing your daughter. Fear. Jitters. Shutdown. He picked up the cellphone and made a call.

He just couldn't get onto his connecting flight.

• • •

"I was Coach Tang's hype man right before Gene Taylor walked into his house to interview him," Dowling says, his eyes sparkling and voice rising in excitement. "I called Coach Tang on FaceTime. He was chill. He and Rae were having breakfast and praying. I was like, 'Today is the day!' I was hype throughout the whole hiring process."

• • •

Dowling once punched the numbers. His family, between his mother's side and his father's side, had served a combined 137 years of prison time, everything from bank robbery to selling drugs. Dowling calls himself a "proud Virgin Islander," and "someone that's struggled growing up finding an identity."

Who is Jareem Dowling?

"They call me the nerd of the family, and I'm OK with that," he says. "I just pride myself in trying to change the narrative of my family's last name, trying to create a new level of excellence in my family, so the younger ones coming up behind me can hear this and see this versus the other stories that I heard growing up."

He moved to Wilmington, Delaware, during his high school years. He led Howard High School to the state Final Four his senior season in 2000 and earned honorable mention all-state accolades. He played two seasons at Cecil College, a NCAA Division II school in North East, Maryland (2000-03), and was a two-time captain at Maryland-Eastern Shore (2003-05). He began his coaching career as an assistant coach for his former college coach and mentor, legendary Bill Lewit, helping Cecil to a 97-6 record in three years. During Dowling's tenure, Cecil finished No. 1 in the regular season NJCAA national rankings all three seasons.

Dowling first met Tang in 2007 in the U.S. Virgin Islands. Tang coached the U.S. Virgin Islands' senior team. Dowling coached the junior team and served as an assistant for the senior squad. Dowling was quickly enamored with Tang's personality, knowledge and coaching style. He hoped for a chance to one day serve on Tang's coaching staff. Tang, at the time, was in his fifth year of a 19-year stint as assistant coach/associate head coach under Scott Drew at Baylor. Cecil came off a NCAA Division II national championship. Dowling says that he fancied himself as the second coming of Phil Jackson.

"As a young coach, you're always looking for that next step and Coach Tang offered some constructive criticism, basically telling me after my first year I wasn't ready, and if he had a head coaching job that he wouldn't hire me," Dowling said upon his hiring as K-State assistant coach. "I respected it because he was transparent and to the point.

"As our relationship grew, the conversations changed to, 'When we work together, this is what it's going to be like.' It took 10 years before he started talking like that. I love his honesty. That's why I've been attached to his hip since I first met him."

Dowling's dream came true when K-State athletic director Gene Taylor hired Tang as K-State head coach on March 21, 2022. Tang said that he sought to elevate the men's basketball program, adding that it wouldn't take long. Dowling couldn't sleep. He knew it would be difficult to sleep with "K-State" across his chest. His first car was a purple 1996 Honda Accord, his father's house is purple, his ex-step mom's house is purple, and his daughter's favorite color is purple.

"It's just a sign," Dowling said. "I'm just so excited to have the purple on."

Dowling arrived at K-State with 16 years of experience as an assistant coach and 12 years of international head coaching experience. He had spent the previous six seasons on staff with Grant McCasland at both Arkansas State (2016-17) and North Texas (2017-22).

Jareem and wife Cierra and daughter Laiya hit the Little Apple without hesitation.

Jareem and Cierra were married in 2018 with Tang serving as officiant. Three months after Jareem met Cierra, he phoned Tang. He told Tang that he wanted to marry her. Jareem had been in long-lasting relationships before, but this felt different. Tang told Jareem to pray on it. Jareem did.

"If you want," Tang said, "I'll marry you guys."

Jareem and Cierra were ready. Jareem requested that they be married in their living room. Cierra's family drove from New Orleans to Denton while Jareem's family in the U.S. Virgin Islands watched the ceremony on FaceTime.

"It was the perfect day," Dowling says.

• • •

"It's surreal because, like, people think I do this and I act the way I do because I'm looking for attention," Dowling says. "I'm just documenting my life and I know it'll be there for my kids' kids, and they'll be able to go back and say, 'Great-grandfather was a cool dude.' You know? It's my natural, my internet version…of…what do you call those things back in the day you used to put pictures in? Album? Yeah, a photo album."

• • •

He remembers his brother's smile the most.

Leo always smiled. He was six months from graduating college in three years. He had jobs lined up.

He committed suicide at age 20.

"Everybody assumes that a smile means you're happy and everything is OK," Dowling says. "Do not judge a person by what you see on the exterior."

Dowling kept moving and kept grinding. He went to work the day of his brother's death in 2010. He pushed Leo's death out of his mind like that heartbreaking, buzzer-beating 3-pointer that can linger too long if you let it. But wait a minute. Death and basketball? No correlation, man. None. But Dowling trudged on, focusing on the hardwood.

Until the connecting flight six years later, until busy O'Hare International Airport, until nothing seemed right and everything appeared out of control. Under the airport lights, everything dimmed. That's when it hit. And it hit Dowling in ways he couldn't fathom.

"I couldn't get on this next flight," Dowling says. "I called Coach Tang."

The next four or five days and nights were the worst. That's because Dowling didn't sleep. He phoned Tang at 3 or 4 a.m. just to talk. He phoned his foster brothers, George and Charles. He phoned other family members.

"I had depression and anxiety, but I didn't know it at the time," Dowling says. "I'd never felt it before, but I just knew I wasn't right."

Charles, nearly a decade older than Jareem, stepped in.

"Charles sat me down and said, 'If you really want help, it's going to be a little extreme, but this is what we need to do. We need to check you into a mental hospital,'" Dowling recalls. "I was like, 'OK.'"

Dowling lasted four days. Figured he was recovered. Came home. Three or four days later, he mentally crashed. He returned to the mental health facility. He was fully on board with completing the mental health program.

"I went back there for a while," Dowling says. "It really slowed things down and made me understand, 'OK, you have anxiety and depression, and all these things are normal, and here's how you cope with it, and here are some steps.'"

Charles hugged his brother when he left the mental health facility.

"You're going to be just fine," Charles told Jareem. "Ninety-eight percent of people in the world have something going on and they don't know what it is. Now you know. And now you can help others."

May is Mental Health Awareness Month.

Dowling pauses in his office.

"I promise you after coming out of there, I've seen so many people suffering just by talking and hearing what they have to say, and I've helped a lot of people, and a lot of people have helped me," Dowling says. "I'm always going to be an advocate of mental health, man. It's really, really serious, and I'm OK with not being OK every day."

Dowling's process begins shortly after he awakens.

"People sometimes see me walking in the grass at 7 a.m., and that's a part of my thing," he says. "Walking in my grass helps me connect with the earth. Getting enough sun, the simple things we take for granted as everyday human beings, I focus on that."

In death, Leo taught his brother a lesson.

"My brother didn't tell anybody anything," Dowling says. "You have to speak and talk and keep talking until somebody listens. I'm now able to incorporate it into my life and incorporate it into my players. Every player I've coached since then, I've always told them my story, so they know they don't have to hide anything from me, because I'm being transparent.

"I've been in a mental hospital. I've been through this stuff. You miss five shots in a game? That ain't nothing. If that's the worst thing you deal with, you're going to live a great life."

• • •

"I'm not necessarily worried about what people think," Dowling says. "That's why I'm OK wearing my chains — because it's who I am. It doesn't make me a bad person because I wear jewelry. I like jewelry, I grew up wearing jewelry, and it's an expression, you know? What you see is what you get: loud, energetic, passionate, a truth teller, and just passionate about whoever I love."

• • •

Two months have passed since K-State became a NCAA Tournament darling, advancing to the Elite Eight after being picked last in the Big 12 Conference, and showing that, yes, a turnaround – a grand turnaround – can quickly happen in the Little Apple. While there's always business to discuss — let it be known that this is one of the hardest-working coaching staffs in America — they take time to celebrate daily achievements, announcements, and to sing happy birthday to each other and to their players. Today, in early May, laughter momentarily fills the staff meeting room on the second floor of the Ice Family Basketball Center to break the monotony of a two-hour meeting.

"Our staff is different, man," Dowling says. "We all love who we are, and we love each other for who each other is. It's fun. It's energetic. We love being around each other. It's true natural transparency, true growth, true love and true inspiration for each other.

"That's why we put our best foot forward every day. We know we can't do it without each other. It's fun, man. I promise you, it's fun."

And that's sometimes where Twitter comes in.

Dowling gives particular props to Bailey Bachamp, director of men's basketball operations.

"She's probably been under the radar for a long time and people know her here because she's from here, but she's a superstar," he says. "She's 50% responsible for the success we've been able to create as a whole staff because she made the transition so smooth. Whereas you might've had to figure everything out, she was like, 'You go here.' That saves five minutes. 'You have to do this.' That saves you an hour. So, we were able to chug and do what we needed to do to build this brand.

"I've showcased my wife, daughter, and the players on social media. I think it's really good insight into an everyday feel of the program. I love the positivity you can do with it. Some people might never see these guys in person or outside of a basketball game, but I might take a video of Markquis and Keyontae getting a haircut, and people think that's cool."

Dowling identifies some of his co-workers by music genre.

"Ulric Maligi is R&B, Coach Tang is gospel, Rodney Perry is jazz, Anthony Winchester, Phil Baier and Luke Sauber are country, Marco Borne is New Orleans-style ballroom music, Andrew Carpenter and Bailey are country and rap, and I'm rap, reggae and country," he says.

Dowling says that he used to wear socks around the office because it felt like home. Tang told him to wait until 5 p.m. to take off his shoes. The coaches' wives are best friends, frequent the Farmer's Market in downtown Manhattan, and, once in a while, they even tour Aggieville — "dates without us," he laughs.

Dowling says that Tang has directed the staff to spend more time in their faith and with their significant other.

"He said, 'You do those two things and basketball is going to sort itself out.' We were all sitting in the meeting like, 'Is he serious?'" Dowling says. "He's quick to tell you to get out of here and take your wife or your husband out. He's quick to tell you that. Invest in them. Invest in them and this part will be easy."

• • •

"You know? I thought the name was a little bit overhyped: 'Manhappiness.' But the last 365 days have been one of the happiest years of my life."

• • •

Dowling had a few best friends and their spouses in Manhattan for the Fourth of July weekend. Even though the coaching staff was still in the midst of recruiting 13 players to the Wildcats, Tang told Dowling to hang back and enjoy his friends. Dowling took his friends on a tour of Bill Snyder Family Stadium, and they played basketball in the Ice Family Basketball Center. Then they barbequed in Dowling's backyard.

Martez was a friend who Dowling confided in for more than 10 years. Dowling phoned him before every important decision.

Martez suffered an aneurism in Dowling's living room. He passed away. He was 40.

"It was brutal," Dowling says.

"Going through my mental depression a couple years ago helped me to be able to reach out to my therapist and set up an emergency therapy session to talk about how to move forward," Dowling says. "Just understanding what I went through five or six years ago now, it's helped me to be able to handle it. Otherwise, I probably would've needed a year off, I mean, that happened in my house.

"It's been a heck of a year, man — positive, negative, it's been a heck of a year, but I wouldn't trade it for the world."

• • •

"We're Kansas Freaking State!" Dowling says. "Just like a new artist coming out or somebody that's been a big-time artist and had to remake himself to be in this generation, that's what we're doing. We're saying it loud and proud. We're not whispering it. We're saying it loud and proud!"

• • •

The biggest hype man in the history of K-State athletics furrows his brow. K-State just announced the official signing of North Texas guard Tylor Perry, the first transfer portal pickup for the 2023 recruiting class. The 5-foot-11 guard from Fort Coffee, Oklahoma, averaged 17.3 points, 3.4 rebounds and 2.1 assists en route to Conference USA Player of the Year honors and was named Postseason NIT Most Outstanding Player. Perry, who also won a national championship at Coffeyville Community College in 2021, has one season of eligibility left at K-State.

But that's not why Dowling furrows his brow. He furrows it because of the "haters."

"We have a product to sell now," Dowling says. "Before we were selling a vision, but now we actually have the proof. But some people are saying it's a fluke. Some people just think we're a flash in the pan.

"That's why I put 'Freaking' in 'Kansas Freaking State.' You're going to respect us."

Dowling rises from his office chair. He points to a photo, and then picks up a stack of cards. The top card in cartoon lettering reads, "THANK YOU."

"This picture right here is a little kid named Carter," he says. "Met him and his family and they traveled to the NCAA Tournament, and I made sure our players met him and he became a team favorite. They sent me a nice card. I get so many notes every day from people. When I tell you it makes my day, it's crazy man. This motivates me. I keep every card and I read them. The days I don't feel good, I read them. I just pick one up and read it, and boom, I'm good.

"We're all human. I love Manhappiness, man. I'm here as long as they have Coach Tang here. I'm not looking for another job or a head coaching job. I want to work for Jerome Tang until he retires. That way I can potentially be better than Jerome Tang because I learned everything he knows."

He smiles.

"I love my wife and my daughter and Coach Tang and K-State and people who are honest," he says, "and I just love living life to its fullest."

May is Mental Health Awareness Month. If you're thinking about suicide, are worried about a friend or loved one, or would like emotional support, text "988" to the Lifeline network, which is available 24/7 across the United States. For K-State students requiring help for emergency or non-emergency support, please call Lafene Counseling and Psychological Services (CAPS) 24/7 at 785-532-6927.

Kansas State University Athletics

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